Problem Solving Process: 8 step outline to positive guidance - a model of self-regulation
This is an expanded version of the problem solving process (from the lecture, A New Tradition in Child Rearing) that can keep the focus on learning how to solve problems at the same time as getting the current problem solved.
The following eight steps to problem solving are not a rigid formula, but are guidelines for constructive problem solving that involve all parties in formulating the solution. It teaches participation in the process, an essential component to self-regulation. This approach works with older preschoolers and school-agers. Actually it works with any age over about 3 years. The examples I am using are "home" examples, rather than "school" ones.
1. Talk to the child (person) directly. As adults, we often talk to everyone else than the person with whom we have the problem! This first step is often neglected, or avoided. Go to the child to talk to him/her in a calm manner.
2. State the problem or concern and tell why. If you cannot clearly state what the problem is and why it is a problem, then you need to back up and re-think why you are reacting or feeling as you do. Learning cannot occur if you cannot communicate the nature of the problem in a way the child can understand.
Beginning with an "I" statement is a respectful way to open the conversation. It keeps you from starting with an accusation. The following is an I-statement with a why-statement! "I have become concerned that when you leave your little cars on the floor that someone will step on them and break them or fall down and get hurt."
Even using great communication strategies, not every child will understand why the problem is a problem, so the adult must be able to explain this too. For example, a child who writes or colors in a book from the library may not understand why this is a problem as she has a "blank" book or a coloring book that she draws and colors in all the time, and nobody says anything about those books.
3. Ask the child for their point of view on the concern. Very often, adults neglect getting the child’s “side” of the issue; instead, they just “tell” the child what is wrong. This latter approach is authoritarian and breaks off communication. In asking the child for their view on the problem, you might find out something you never considered.
Take, for example, a preschooler who keeps "forgetting" to put his sand box toys in the garage. He may have encountered spiders and spider webs one time when putting the toys away and now is afraid to go in the garage alone. He may have been reluctant to tell you, as his older sibling has been teasing him and calling him a "baby" for being afraid of spiders.
4. Find agreement on what the problem is & whose problem it is. Once everyone has shared their point of view on the stated problem, take some time to reconsider the nature of the problem itself as well as the source of the problem. Work to agree on if there really is a problem, and if so, what it is and whose problem it is.
Children and adults can sometimes have differences of opinion on what is "best" in clothing or toy selection, time management, room arrangement, storage solutions, etc. Look at the actual impact of each approach before making any decisions.
5. Brainstorm some possible solutions that would work and which are acceptable to the parent(s). Parents are still in charge and must approve of the solution decided on. Once again, all solutions from all individuals should be seriously considered. If parents reject a solution, they must explain why, otherwise it can seem arbitrary.
6. Let the child pick which one to try, if possible. If there is more than one acceptable solution, let the child decide which one to start with. This gives the child some control, and because of this, more learning and deeper understanding will occur.
7. Implement it-stick to it. Give it time- children don’t learn to talk in a couple of weeks – so learning to change a behavior will take some time and practice also. While the child is trying out the solution, you need to ask about and get an agreement on “reminding.” This should be up to the child, whether or not to be reminded. If the child chooses to be reminded, these reminders should be presented in a neutral and supportive manner. Watch your vocal tone, as the way we say the reminder will determine if it feels like helping or nagging. "Nagging" can make the child feel defeated before they even try. If they choose not to be reminded, respect this and "zip your lip!" (It is hard, I know.)
It is o.k. to do some encouraging along the way, though. You can notice that the child has been putting their dirty clothes in the hamper (as agreed) and tell her that you've seen that she has remembered every day that week!
8. Review progress after you’ve tried it out. Once you have given the chosen solution ample time (several weeks), get together and have all persons share how they think it has gone, and evaluate the solution. If it is working, keep going and come back again in several weeks to check again.
If it is not working, go back to step 5 and try one of the other solutions, or brainstorm more ideas. If the child fails to employ the solution chosen, revisit it to find out why.
If you try this type of problem solving and give it time, but the child still does not follow the solution agreed upon, then, Dreikurs suggests that we move into using Logical Consequences. (See lecture on supporting self-regulation through guidance and problem solving.)
Kathy A. Bobula, Ph.D.
2016
The following eight steps to problem solving are not a rigid formula, but are guidelines for constructive problem solving that involve all parties in formulating the solution. It teaches participation in the process, an essential component to self-regulation. This approach works with older preschoolers and school-agers. Actually it works with any age over about 3 years. The examples I am using are "home" examples, rather than "school" ones.
1. Talk to the child (person) directly. As adults, we often talk to everyone else than the person with whom we have the problem! This first step is often neglected, or avoided. Go to the child to talk to him/her in a calm manner.
2. State the problem or concern and tell why. If you cannot clearly state what the problem is and why it is a problem, then you need to back up and re-think why you are reacting or feeling as you do. Learning cannot occur if you cannot communicate the nature of the problem in a way the child can understand.
Beginning with an "I" statement is a respectful way to open the conversation. It keeps you from starting with an accusation. The following is an I-statement with a why-statement! "I have become concerned that when you leave your little cars on the floor that someone will step on them and break them or fall down and get hurt."
Even using great communication strategies, not every child will understand why the problem is a problem, so the adult must be able to explain this too. For example, a child who writes or colors in a book from the library may not understand why this is a problem as she has a "blank" book or a coloring book that she draws and colors in all the time, and nobody says anything about those books.
3. Ask the child for their point of view on the concern. Very often, adults neglect getting the child’s “side” of the issue; instead, they just “tell” the child what is wrong. This latter approach is authoritarian and breaks off communication. In asking the child for their view on the problem, you might find out something you never considered.
Take, for example, a preschooler who keeps "forgetting" to put his sand box toys in the garage. He may have encountered spiders and spider webs one time when putting the toys away and now is afraid to go in the garage alone. He may have been reluctant to tell you, as his older sibling has been teasing him and calling him a "baby" for being afraid of spiders.
4. Find agreement on what the problem is & whose problem it is. Once everyone has shared their point of view on the stated problem, take some time to reconsider the nature of the problem itself as well as the source of the problem. Work to agree on if there really is a problem, and if so, what it is and whose problem it is.
Children and adults can sometimes have differences of opinion on what is "best" in clothing or toy selection, time management, room arrangement, storage solutions, etc. Look at the actual impact of each approach before making any decisions.
5. Brainstorm some possible solutions that would work and which are acceptable to the parent(s). Parents are still in charge and must approve of the solution decided on. Once again, all solutions from all individuals should be seriously considered. If parents reject a solution, they must explain why, otherwise it can seem arbitrary.
6. Let the child pick which one to try, if possible. If there is more than one acceptable solution, let the child decide which one to start with. This gives the child some control, and because of this, more learning and deeper understanding will occur.
7. Implement it-stick to it. Give it time- children don’t learn to talk in a couple of weeks – so learning to change a behavior will take some time and practice also. While the child is trying out the solution, you need to ask about and get an agreement on “reminding.” This should be up to the child, whether or not to be reminded. If the child chooses to be reminded, these reminders should be presented in a neutral and supportive manner. Watch your vocal tone, as the way we say the reminder will determine if it feels like helping or nagging. "Nagging" can make the child feel defeated before they even try. If they choose not to be reminded, respect this and "zip your lip!" (It is hard, I know.)
It is o.k. to do some encouraging along the way, though. You can notice that the child has been putting their dirty clothes in the hamper (as agreed) and tell her that you've seen that she has remembered every day that week!
8. Review progress after you’ve tried it out. Once you have given the chosen solution ample time (several weeks), get together and have all persons share how they think it has gone, and evaluate the solution. If it is working, keep going and come back again in several weeks to check again.
If it is not working, go back to step 5 and try one of the other solutions, or brainstorm more ideas. If the child fails to employ the solution chosen, revisit it to find out why.
If you try this type of problem solving and give it time, but the child still does not follow the solution agreed upon, then, Dreikurs suggests that we move into using Logical Consequences. (See lecture on supporting self-regulation through guidance and problem solving.)
Kathy A. Bobula, Ph.D.
2016
