"Did you teach preschool in the 1970s?"
A reflection from the past on emotionally safe environments
(Or, how I'm still learning from the children I've taught!)
Teachers of young children develop close relationships with the children in their classes and care. We see them at the beginning of their lives, and, inevitably, think about them through the years, wondering what they are doing as adults.
Connecting with the Past:
On February 4, 2019, I received an unexpected email with the subject line: Did you teach preschool in the 1970s? It was from Amanda Nelson, who had been a student in a preschool where I taught early in my career.[1] She opened by mentioning that her mother had come across my website on Self-Regulation and they wondered if I was the same Kathy Bobula who taught at the cooperative preschool that Amanda attended in 1973-74. This was such a shock, as Amanda is the only former preschool student I’ve ever heard from or run into later in life.[2]
Even more surprising to me, Amanda went on to say: “If so, thank you! You were such an amazing teacher and a hero to me. You have lived on in family legend as the wonderful, amazing, kind Kathy Bobula. Just the best ever.” She went on to thank me for the material on the website, especially addressing emotional regulation. She closed with the following quote from Middlemarch by George Eliot:
“…for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts, and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.”
-----
Within 3 hours of receiving the email, I had replied to her, confirming that I was, indeed, that Kathy Bobula, and furthermore, I could still picture both her and her mother—after 45 years! I went on to share a little about what I’d been doing and ended with:
“I love the quote at the end of your email. I know that children grew and found out new things about themselves in my classrooms. I was a witness to it. For some it was a smooth process (unhistoric), for others it was more of a challenge, and they needed more support. But, movement toward more mature behavior and thinking and feeling was always present. Having parents participate in the classroom is the best, in my mind, for preschoolers. I learned a lot from the people in this school, and it directly influenced my future work and research on self-regulation and how to support it.
Well, my goodness! This has been such a wonderful surprise. I’m so glad you took a chance and wrote to me. If you are comfortable, I would love to hear a little about your life (since preschool!). I often think of children I’ve known and wondered what paths their lives have taken. Be sure to say hi to your mom and send her my greetings and best wishes!”
-----
At this point, I had no idea how I was about to have confirmed some of my deepest held principles in child development and guidance. It felt like I’d come around full circle.
-----
A few days later, Amanda wrote back:
“Hi Kathy! We’re really happy to have found THE REAL Kathy Bobula! I’m not sure if you ever knew this at the time, but I named a cat after you. (Who turned out to be a boy.)
After you left… [the preschool], I went to a great, progressive kindergarten, but have no memory of the instructors. Then we moved…and I went to perfectly fine schools, but there were no Kathy Bobulas. I’m now an artist/graphic and web designer….”
She went on to tell me about her family and then reflected on the preschool.
“It’s funny, I don’t really have specific memories of nursery school, but I remember how I felt about it vividly. I went from hating going, crying the whole time—I can still remember the dread and panic I felt as we would get closer to the school. And then I remember how much I loved it once you started teaching there—we all did. The one semi-specific memory I have is of me and a bunch of other students literally hanging all over you.
Well, you were a hugely positive presence in my life, at a time when I was very vulnerable, and I’m sure you’ve been the same for countless other kids, so THANK YOU!!!
I’m so glad to be able to thank you for that after all these years.”
-----
Reading this from Amanda made me want to write about emotional safety in the classroom and I wrote back to her and asked for permission to use some of her reflections in an article for my web site. At that point I decided to explore the feelings she had experienced with her nursery school experience. I wrote back and inquired:
“I also am curious if you are aware of what happened at the beginning of that school year that made it so unsafe. I don’t want to cross any professional boundaries, however after 45+ years, and with you contacting me, I want to offer this information to you if you want it, as I would be referring to it (obliquely) in the article. You can let me know.
Again, hearing from you and what you have shared has been so important to me. It stimulated me to want to write about emotional safety in early environments. When I was educated in this field, I had the great good fortune to be able to take two seminars (1968-69) with Virginia Axline, a “student” of Carl Rogers. She was very instrumental in pulling together play therapy for children and applying some of these techniques to the preschool classroom, which I did wholeheartedly! Your reflections have supported my belief in the power of relationships to heal wounds and support growth.
Wow, am I ever glad that you took the leap to contact me!”
-----
Amanda replied:
“Then I’m even more glad I wrote!
You can use my name, I don’t need to pre approve anything you write – I’m not a particularly private person, I just let it all hang out because it’s less work. Besides, I trust you!
I don’t have any specific unpleasant memories of preschool except for being on a fire escape, and I still have a subtle, irrational fear of them to this day. Like, of course, I KNOW I’m too big to slip between the metal slats, but maybe I didn’t back then and so that feeling comes back to me.
But, if you know something I don’t or don’t remember, yes feel free to share with me or anyone else.”
-----
The “Unsafe” Preschool
Today, in the field of Infant-Toddler Mental Health, relationships are viewed as essential for positive mental health. For early childhood programs, this includes each child’s relationship with their teachers. Much is being written right now about the key role of relationships in child development and mental health. In hearing from Amanda with her spontaneous comments and reflections, I was filled with thoughts about the role of emotional safety in the ECE classroom, and how a lack of it can create stress and fear in a child and can become a “barrier” to healthy development.
Seventy-two years ago, in 1947, Virginia Axline, (author of Play Therapy: The inner dynamics of childhood), wrote:
“A good therapist is in many ways like a favorite teacher. Usually, the favorite teacher has earned that distinction because of her basic attitudes toward her pupils- attitudes that usually stress kindliness, patience, understanding, and steadiness, with the added discipline of placing responsibility and confidence in the pupil.” (p. 65)
Later in her book, she reflects on education and mental health and states:
“…the most important single factor in establishing sound mental health is the relationship that is built up between the teacher and his or her pupils.” (p. 142)
-----
Hi Amanda,
Sorry for the delay, but I wanted to check with a colleague on doing this article for my website.
I've been thinking a lot about the emotional environment of the preschool during my first few weeks there. Your reflections have jogged my memory on some of the details and events.
And your comments about the fire escapes are spot on to what had happened.
When I was hired it was about a month into the school year, so I was surprised to find an open position, but thrilled with the preschool itself. Once I was hired, I met with the Core Committee and they filled me in on what had been happening. They had hired a teacher, but never [fully] vetted her credentials. No reference checks, no request for transcripts, etc. It turns out that she had seriously misrepresented her background. (I made sure they called my references!)
Within the first couple of weeks [of the school year], she decided to do a unit on fire safety. I was told that during circle time, she did a demonstration with the doll house and people. She dramatically depicted the house catching on fire and had the people [on the second floor] not be able to get out, thus demonstrating the danger in being caught in a fire.
When you mentioned remembering getting on a fire escape, I had a vague memory of being told that this was part of the "lesson." The preschool was on the second floor and had a fire escape. Bottom line, I was told that all the children were seriously frightened, to the point you described - of not wanting to come to school. When I read your description of how you "felt" I was really blown away that you had such a strong and detailed memory of your feelings of "danger," --after 45 years!!!
Addressing Trauma
"Upon learning what had happened, and observing the behaviors of many of the children, I consulted with my licensing person, and she helped me address this. Besides children being generally frightened of coming to school, there was a small group of children who were obsessed with playing "fire." The play was stereotyped and repetitive - running, pretending to spray water and yelling "fire, fire, fire!" There was one child who was so traumatized that when we were at the local playground, he would become totally anxious when a fire truck came down the street. We had to have a parent walk him back to the school to call his mother at home to reassure him [that it was not his apartment on fire].
We decided to tell the group that we were not going to play "fire" anymore because it was scaring too many children. There was a noticeable sense of relief among the children [when we set this limit]. I worked on being emotionally present, and creating a calm but engaging environment that made children feel safe. We had a predictable daily schedule, and parents were participating every day.
The fact that you have such strong memories of this preschool experience and even remembered my name speaks to the critical time of the early years of development. This lays the groundwork for the rest of our lives!!! It is not insignificant.
So, that is what I found out about what happened in the school that was so developmentally inappropriate as to boggle the mind.
I'm starting to work on the article and will send it to you when finished. Again, I am so glad to re-connect with you. It is a rare experience for teachers of very young children."
Talk to you soon,
Kathy
-----
Emotional Safety in the Classroom
The most basic of human needs, according to Abraham Maslow, is the need for safety- and for the children in this preschool they primarily had to feel safety within their relationships with adults. The children had to know I would keep them safe – physically and emotionally. They needed to trust me to do this. When I talked with the children about the new rule, that we would not play “fire” anymore, I explained that the game was scaring children, and thus was not safe. I think this communicated that the adults understood how they, the children, were feeling. They “felt” being felt. In addition, having mommies and daddies, loving caregivers, participating in the classroom added another layer of safety for the children.
Amanda recalled that she and other children had hung on to me physically for a time. Knowing that the children had been frightened (each to a greater or lesser extent), I knew that I had to accept and meet their need for physical contact initially. I also believed that if I could create an emotionally safe environment, they would each find their time to “let go” and explore the materials and other children. They would return to play.
Preschoolers are just learning emotional-regulation, and emotionally safe environments provide “scaffolding” for this learning, according to the theoretical concepts of Lev Vygotsky. So what are some ways that teachers of young children can support emotional-regulation?
Supporting Emotional-Regulation in Preschoolers
In reflecting on this experience, I was reminded of some of the basics of developmentally appropriate practices and principles of play therapy, both of which are critical for emotional safety in the classroom. I saw their importance in my work at this school.
This is a short list of ideas for providing children with an emotionally safe classroom…ones I remember from this school Amanda attended. Our goal should be to support children’s development and hopefully they will have “good” memories of their earliest school experience. But, things don’t always work out the way we intend for them to. Fear is remembered, for a long time, however repair is possible and from what Amanda shared, this is also remembered.
Teachers who get to know each child individually, and make an emotional connection with them are likely to be able to provide an emotionally safe and stimulating environment. It won’t have lots of thrills and surprises, nor will there be something brand new every day. It will have materials that allow for many uses and lots of time to explore them. It will “feel” safe to the children and to outside observers. It will be busy and constructive and satisfying.
There will be no neon lights, “for the good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts…” that make all the difference in the world.
________________________________________________________
[1] Amanda Nelson, the person who sent the email, gave me permission to use her name, and reproduce the content of our email exchange. I am not using the name of the school or where it was located.
[2] I feel it necessary to inform the reader that I’m quite modest when it comes to receiving compliments, but I’m putting that aside in order to lay out a case example of the importance of creating and maintaining an emotionally safe environment in early childhood classrooms, and some ways to do this.
Copyright 2019, Kathy A. Bobula
A reflection from the past on emotionally safe environments
(Or, how I'm still learning from the children I've taught!)
Teachers of young children develop close relationships with the children in their classes and care. We see them at the beginning of their lives, and, inevitably, think about them through the years, wondering what they are doing as adults.
Connecting with the Past:
On February 4, 2019, I received an unexpected email with the subject line: Did you teach preschool in the 1970s? It was from Amanda Nelson, who had been a student in a preschool where I taught early in my career.[1] She opened by mentioning that her mother had come across my website on Self-Regulation and they wondered if I was the same Kathy Bobula who taught at the cooperative preschool that Amanda attended in 1973-74. This was such a shock, as Amanda is the only former preschool student I’ve ever heard from or run into later in life.[2]
Even more surprising to me, Amanda went on to say: “If so, thank you! You were such an amazing teacher and a hero to me. You have lived on in family legend as the wonderful, amazing, kind Kathy Bobula. Just the best ever.” She went on to thank me for the material on the website, especially addressing emotional regulation. She closed with the following quote from Middlemarch by George Eliot:
“…for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts, and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.”
-----
Within 3 hours of receiving the email, I had replied to her, confirming that I was, indeed, that Kathy Bobula, and furthermore, I could still picture both her and her mother—after 45 years! I went on to share a little about what I’d been doing and ended with:
“I love the quote at the end of your email. I know that children grew and found out new things about themselves in my classrooms. I was a witness to it. For some it was a smooth process (unhistoric), for others it was more of a challenge, and they needed more support. But, movement toward more mature behavior and thinking and feeling was always present. Having parents participate in the classroom is the best, in my mind, for preschoolers. I learned a lot from the people in this school, and it directly influenced my future work and research on self-regulation and how to support it.
Well, my goodness! This has been such a wonderful surprise. I’m so glad you took a chance and wrote to me. If you are comfortable, I would love to hear a little about your life (since preschool!). I often think of children I’ve known and wondered what paths their lives have taken. Be sure to say hi to your mom and send her my greetings and best wishes!”
-----
At this point, I had no idea how I was about to have confirmed some of my deepest held principles in child development and guidance. It felt like I’d come around full circle.
-----
A few days later, Amanda wrote back:
“Hi Kathy! We’re really happy to have found THE REAL Kathy Bobula! I’m not sure if you ever knew this at the time, but I named a cat after you. (Who turned out to be a boy.)
After you left… [the preschool], I went to a great, progressive kindergarten, but have no memory of the instructors. Then we moved…and I went to perfectly fine schools, but there were no Kathy Bobulas. I’m now an artist/graphic and web designer….”
She went on to tell me about her family and then reflected on the preschool.
“It’s funny, I don’t really have specific memories of nursery school, but I remember how I felt about it vividly. I went from hating going, crying the whole time—I can still remember the dread and panic I felt as we would get closer to the school. And then I remember how much I loved it once you started teaching there—we all did. The one semi-specific memory I have is of me and a bunch of other students literally hanging all over you.
Well, you were a hugely positive presence in my life, at a time when I was very vulnerable, and I’m sure you’ve been the same for countless other kids, so THANK YOU!!!
I’m so glad to be able to thank you for that after all these years.”
-----
Reading this from Amanda made me want to write about emotional safety in the classroom and I wrote back to her and asked for permission to use some of her reflections in an article for my web site. At that point I decided to explore the feelings she had experienced with her nursery school experience. I wrote back and inquired:
“I also am curious if you are aware of what happened at the beginning of that school year that made it so unsafe. I don’t want to cross any professional boundaries, however after 45+ years, and with you contacting me, I want to offer this information to you if you want it, as I would be referring to it (obliquely) in the article. You can let me know.
Again, hearing from you and what you have shared has been so important to me. It stimulated me to want to write about emotional safety in early environments. When I was educated in this field, I had the great good fortune to be able to take two seminars (1968-69) with Virginia Axline, a “student” of Carl Rogers. She was very instrumental in pulling together play therapy for children and applying some of these techniques to the preschool classroom, which I did wholeheartedly! Your reflections have supported my belief in the power of relationships to heal wounds and support growth.
Wow, am I ever glad that you took the leap to contact me!”
-----
Amanda replied:
“Then I’m even more glad I wrote!
You can use my name, I don’t need to pre approve anything you write – I’m not a particularly private person, I just let it all hang out because it’s less work. Besides, I trust you!
I don’t have any specific unpleasant memories of preschool except for being on a fire escape, and I still have a subtle, irrational fear of them to this day. Like, of course, I KNOW I’m too big to slip between the metal slats, but maybe I didn’t back then and so that feeling comes back to me.
But, if you know something I don’t or don’t remember, yes feel free to share with me or anyone else.”
-----
The “Unsafe” Preschool
Today, in the field of Infant-Toddler Mental Health, relationships are viewed as essential for positive mental health. For early childhood programs, this includes each child’s relationship with their teachers. Much is being written right now about the key role of relationships in child development and mental health. In hearing from Amanda with her spontaneous comments and reflections, I was filled with thoughts about the role of emotional safety in the ECE classroom, and how a lack of it can create stress and fear in a child and can become a “barrier” to healthy development.
Seventy-two years ago, in 1947, Virginia Axline, (author of Play Therapy: The inner dynamics of childhood), wrote:
“A good therapist is in many ways like a favorite teacher. Usually, the favorite teacher has earned that distinction because of her basic attitudes toward her pupils- attitudes that usually stress kindliness, patience, understanding, and steadiness, with the added discipline of placing responsibility and confidence in the pupil.” (p. 65)
Later in her book, she reflects on education and mental health and states:
“…the most important single factor in establishing sound mental health is the relationship that is built up between the teacher and his or her pupils.” (p. 142)
-----
Hi Amanda,
Sorry for the delay, but I wanted to check with a colleague on doing this article for my website.
I've been thinking a lot about the emotional environment of the preschool during my first few weeks there. Your reflections have jogged my memory on some of the details and events.
And your comments about the fire escapes are spot on to what had happened.
When I was hired it was about a month into the school year, so I was surprised to find an open position, but thrilled with the preschool itself. Once I was hired, I met with the Core Committee and they filled me in on what had been happening. They had hired a teacher, but never [fully] vetted her credentials. No reference checks, no request for transcripts, etc. It turns out that she had seriously misrepresented her background. (I made sure they called my references!)
Within the first couple of weeks [of the school year], she decided to do a unit on fire safety. I was told that during circle time, she did a demonstration with the doll house and people. She dramatically depicted the house catching on fire and had the people [on the second floor] not be able to get out, thus demonstrating the danger in being caught in a fire.
When you mentioned remembering getting on a fire escape, I had a vague memory of being told that this was part of the "lesson." The preschool was on the second floor and had a fire escape. Bottom line, I was told that all the children were seriously frightened, to the point you described - of not wanting to come to school. When I read your description of how you "felt" I was really blown away that you had such a strong and detailed memory of your feelings of "danger," --after 45 years!!!
Addressing Trauma
"Upon learning what had happened, and observing the behaviors of many of the children, I consulted with my licensing person, and she helped me address this. Besides children being generally frightened of coming to school, there was a small group of children who were obsessed with playing "fire." The play was stereotyped and repetitive - running, pretending to spray water and yelling "fire, fire, fire!" There was one child who was so traumatized that when we were at the local playground, he would become totally anxious when a fire truck came down the street. We had to have a parent walk him back to the school to call his mother at home to reassure him [that it was not his apartment on fire].
We decided to tell the group that we were not going to play "fire" anymore because it was scaring too many children. There was a noticeable sense of relief among the children [when we set this limit]. I worked on being emotionally present, and creating a calm but engaging environment that made children feel safe. We had a predictable daily schedule, and parents were participating every day.
The fact that you have such strong memories of this preschool experience and even remembered my name speaks to the critical time of the early years of development. This lays the groundwork for the rest of our lives!!! It is not insignificant.
So, that is what I found out about what happened in the school that was so developmentally inappropriate as to boggle the mind.
I'm starting to work on the article and will send it to you when finished. Again, I am so glad to re-connect with you. It is a rare experience for teachers of very young children."
Talk to you soon,
Kathy
-----
Emotional Safety in the Classroom
The most basic of human needs, according to Abraham Maslow, is the need for safety- and for the children in this preschool they primarily had to feel safety within their relationships with adults. The children had to know I would keep them safe – physically and emotionally. They needed to trust me to do this. When I talked with the children about the new rule, that we would not play “fire” anymore, I explained that the game was scaring children, and thus was not safe. I think this communicated that the adults understood how they, the children, were feeling. They “felt” being felt. In addition, having mommies and daddies, loving caregivers, participating in the classroom added another layer of safety for the children.
Amanda recalled that she and other children had hung on to me physically for a time. Knowing that the children had been frightened (each to a greater or lesser extent), I knew that I had to accept and meet their need for physical contact initially. I also believed that if I could create an emotionally safe environment, they would each find their time to “let go” and explore the materials and other children. They would return to play.
Preschoolers are just learning emotional-regulation, and emotionally safe environments provide “scaffolding” for this learning, according to the theoretical concepts of Lev Vygotsky. So what are some ways that teachers of young children can support emotional-regulation?
Supporting Emotional-Regulation in Preschoolers
In reflecting on this experience, I was reminded of some of the basics of developmentally appropriate practices and principles of play therapy, both of which are critical for emotional safety in the classroom. I saw their importance in my work at this school.
- Set up an environment that is predictable. You can do this by having a daily schedule that allows for some modifications as needed. Children feel safe when they know what is happening and when they will go home. Mental control of this kind supports the development of emotional-regulation. Also, you can have designated places for the storage of toys, materials, and equipment with picture and word labels. Many children enjoy putting the toys away when the shelves are labeled, and there is a “place for everything.” The environment becomes very familiar and thus safe.
- Free choice time (Free Play) must be long enough. Preschoolers need time to really get into an activity. It can take a while for them to decide what they are going to play and then set it up. Too often teachers don’t allow enough time for them to get it set up and then play with it! This Free Play time should be no shorter than 45 minutes – an hour is preferable. Adults can help children who have trouble deciding what to do. In classrooms with short free choice time, children can get anxious about not having enough time to really play. This can disrupt their concentration.
- Provide a variety of open-ended materials for children to use, such as: paints, crayons, blocks, clay, legos, etc. These materials are “open-ended” because they do not tell the child what to do with them. The child decides how to use them and what to make. Children are encouraged to express their feelings when using open-ended materials. Adults can help the child verbalize their feelings by saying something like, “Tell me about your picture (building, etc.).” Environments that support the expression of feelings are safer for young children just learning about feelings and how to regulate and express them.
- Actively talk about keeping children safe, without stimulating more fear. This can be expressed by such things as having circle discussions about the “rules” for the upcoming field trip.
- Incorporate movement activities that support physical regulation. Self-regulation in one area of development can provide scaffolding for learning it in another area. With this group I came up with a drum game where the children were asked to move like the drum told them to move. I would drum in a slow and deliberate fashion and then switch to a fast beat, and then back to slow. To the children it was a fun game. But, it was also practice in coping with change and exhibiting self-control.
- Give individual, specific support for children who are recovering from some type of trauma, so they can regain or find some emotional balance. For example, set up a quiet space for a child who is getting overwhelmed by noise or activity. Another approach to this support is to “coach” a child through problem solving.
- Provide an age-appropriate, culturally-appropriate, and individually-appropriate curriculum. According to Vygotsky, activities and expectations that are below what a child can do become boring. On the other hand, activities and expectations that are beyond a child’s level of independent performance can build fear in a child. According to Vygotsky, activities that are aimed “just above” their level of individual performance build confidence and a sense of mastery. Likewise, activities that tap a child’s home experiences as well as what the child already knows grab the child’s attention and make learning feel personal and within their reach.
- Activities for young children should empower them into learning rather than frighten them into it. Teaching about fire safety can be done, but it must be done to empower children with information about what to do and what will happen if there is a fire. We know that children who are not familiar with the fire fighters’ gear are known to run and hide when they see the fire fighters enter the building where there is a fire. So, to respond to this fact, one of the most common and appropriate activities on fire safety is to have a visit from the fire department. The fire fighters come in wearing street clothes and talk to the children about their equipment, letting the children handle the hat, boots, etc. Only then, do the fire fighters put on the gear to have the children see the transformation. And, then they take it off and let children explore it more. (Note: Please do not do fire safety in the very beginning of the school year. Establish trusting relationships first.)
This is a short list of ideas for providing children with an emotionally safe classroom…ones I remember from this school Amanda attended. Our goal should be to support children’s development and hopefully they will have “good” memories of their earliest school experience. But, things don’t always work out the way we intend for them to. Fear is remembered, for a long time, however repair is possible and from what Amanda shared, this is also remembered.
Teachers who get to know each child individually, and make an emotional connection with them are likely to be able to provide an emotionally safe and stimulating environment. It won’t have lots of thrills and surprises, nor will there be something brand new every day. It will have materials that allow for many uses and lots of time to explore them. It will “feel” safe to the children and to outside observers. It will be busy and constructive and satisfying.
There will be no neon lights, “for the good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts…” that make all the difference in the world.
________________________________________________________
[1] Amanda Nelson, the person who sent the email, gave me permission to use her name, and reproduce the content of our email exchange. I am not using the name of the school or where it was located.
[2] I feel it necessary to inform the reader that I’m quite modest when it comes to receiving compliments, but I’m putting that aside in order to lay out a case example of the importance of creating and maintaining an emotionally safe environment in early childhood classrooms, and some ways to do this.
Copyright 2019, Kathy A. Bobula